STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
