We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
