I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize