No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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