the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
