you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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