My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
