Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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