i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
