Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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