and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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