This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
