someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize