You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
