how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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