I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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