So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Enjoy the penises
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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