so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
