Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize