Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
