If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
