Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
