Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
