When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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