Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
