Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
