two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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