You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
