she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
