had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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