Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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