Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
