Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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