you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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