Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
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I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's shark week go big or go home
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