Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
