DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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