i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
