First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
They took my balls.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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