did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
