I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
