dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
