my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
True strength comes from lack of pants
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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