You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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