If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
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U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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