She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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