i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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