i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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