Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
