This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
