the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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