The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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