Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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