I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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