the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
