i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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