Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
