eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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