fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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